Bored. Rant.

I honestly feel like killing myself if living in Banff is it's gonna be the same old shit show. With nothing to do ever. Just chill in my room, watch movies and go out for a bit every few days. I'm so angry. Like fuck. There's no where in Banff that's hiring. I really want to go back to Edmonton, but that wouldn't work out for me. Also I just want to run away for the summer to BC or elsewhere to escape this little prison.

I'm going crazy again over here. All I've been doing is sleeping, reading, sleeping, eating and reading. Then I'm on the computer for 15-30Min's at a time, then I'm back to reading or sleeping. I need out, I want out. I'm ready to cry, shout and scream. Nobody understands me, whatsoever.

I'm honestly like a book, that someone has read. And now I'm being placed on the shelf to collect dust. Nobody will ever come out here and visit me.
I'll make plans with somebody, and those plans will never follow through.
I hate this shit hole, and all the people with it. What makes me angrier is that my mom is always gloating about how happy she is to never have left Banff. Which makes me cringe.

I'd rather be dead right now. It would save me the time, trouble and effort to do anything.

La Vida Triste i Pani Sandy

The realities of life, and living in Banff is getting to me again.
I found out that Sarah moved, which I'm quite sad about. I was unable to say bye to her. Even though I think she said something while I was busy writing a test.

I feel like crying. Even though I wasn't really that close with her - just the fact that she's moving away. I really just want to move away, and forget about the realities of living up in the mountains. Otherwise I'll end up like some old sentimental fool.

But then Sandy <3 cheered me up a bit, without knowing it. Asking me if I watched "The Real Life." I told her no, 'cause I don't have cable, satellite, nothing like that.

Sandra

Oh, well theres this really cute guy on this season and my friends were all "hes so hot, but hes gay :(:(" AND HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU so i showed them a picture of you and they were like "OMG IS HE GAY TOO :(:(" and it was quite depressing for them LOL
10:46pmBolek

LOLOL

Lets see a picture of him?
10:46pmSandra

I'm looking LOL
10:48pmBolek

K.
10:52pmSandra

he looks most like you in this one lol
(It's at the top btw.)


Also, I think I'm gonna begin translating my Polish comic books that I got while I was over in Poland. As well as the Little Prince. That way I know how to read some of the words and understand it more. And become more familiar with the language. Since one day I plan on heading over there for a while.

Cigarettes and Coffee

The title says it all pretty much. For some reason, I don't know why, but that's a type of breakfast that appeals to me. Just sitting there, with some cheap coffee, in a Styrofoam cup, and having the first smoke of the day. Complaining about life or something. And to travel about in some really old car.



Yes I am aware of how stupid I may sound at the moment, when you read this. But this is my blog. By writing how I feel about things, gives some sort of insight as to how I think and feel. Otherwise this would be a waste of time for some people. Iunno. I might be coming back to this post, and adding more. Since there was more that I wanted to write. But then I kept on putting it off. And I'm really tired, and thinking about my social exam, and getting my drivers.

I don't condone smoking for other people, but as for myself, I could really care less. The drugs have taken a bit of my sense of reality, while the kids from the streets of Edmonton, took away my security. Now that I'm pretty much done high school, I don't know anymore. It feels like my life doesn't have a direction to go in. I at least want to travel around, and during that year off, or two, I want to be saving up to be able to leave.
As soon as I get my drivers, which would be sometime next year, is when I'm going to leave. Hopefully. To where? I don't know yet.

As long as I get some sort of mind numbing job, then I'll be happy. To a certain degree I'll have some sort of purpose as to what I am gonna be doing with my life. Before I move away from home, I plan on buying a pairs of glasses frames, with my actual prescription, not just faux glasses. 'Cause then that would be stupid. In my case. Otherwise it would be a waste of money. And to buy myself a shitload of clothes. That way I won't have to buy any later on.

A little bit of sense.

I figured out, as to why I smoke occasionally, so that pretty much labels me as a, social smoker.
But I do it, 'cause I get nervous, and the nicotine and sparkles, help me relax.

Love and Other Disasters

I'm going to head down to the library in the morning, and take out a few more books.
The Secret Life of the Bees, Breakfast at Tiffany's, gonna place some holds for, Dear Fatty, and Life of Pi, as well as the Sisters Keeper.

Also, I want to buy the following movies:
The Color Purple, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Whisper of the Heart, Love and Other Disasters, Amelie and Persoplieses. I know thats not the correct spelling for it, but what eva.

Also a few others, like the Chanel biography, the movie based on Aurore Gagnon, and just for the hell of it, another movie.

"Can I crawl into bed with you, its OK. We are friends, that's all. Really." Holly - Breakfast at Tiffany's.

PS. I really need to get out of Canada.
I am gonna go crazy living here, listening to my dad rant about Canadians.
And how much I disappoint him for being and acting like one.
Even though I can't help where I was raised.

I really want to head over to Italy, Spain, or Argentina.
'Cause of the people's accents.
And the fact that their so hot.

Books, aren't really my friend.

I just finished reading, A Cat Amongst Pigeons. I really enjoyed that book, it was really
interesting, and I'm glad I remembered most of it, since I read 3/4 of it in February, then finished it today.
I almost cried when a character that I envisioned that looked like the housekeeper nanny from 101 Dalmatians died. And I giggled when I found out who the murderer was. Since she screamed out, "Bitch" which truly proves how mature I am. Haha.

Now I'm reading Anne Frank - The Diary of a Young Girl. Which will totally make me depressed, since it's such a sad, depressing book, well from what I've heard about it. So I dunno. Hopefully it won't be as depressing as people make it out to be.

Then I have thousands of other books to power through. ):
Since there are 20 other books that are on my list to read and buy during the summer.
'Cause you know, I'm cool like that, and that's how I roll.

Hopefully I'll gain more of a cultural perspective on life. And become more of a better person, a lot better then the person I am today. Rid myself of the verbal diarrhoea - since it's not a nice quality to have. Even though the person I'm not spewing shit about, benefits from it with giggles and stuff.

On another side note.
I've been going through my music and deleting a ton, trying to free up some room on my computer. Even though I still have tons and tons of space. But it's nice to know that theres still room. Then I'm going to have to go through my pictures and such.

Then eventually I must start going through my things, get rid of the things that I don't want.
Clothes, junk, books, papers, toys, games. Anything that I can get my hands on, thats mine and I don't like.

On another note.

Cutest, cutest guy ever.

A Letter

Dear Bobo,

I'm writing to you in regards about, why are you so obsessive with designer labels?
I don't understand why.
If you could inform as to why, you would rox my sox. ;)

Sniff me,

Roxann.


Dear Roxann,

I find designer labels to be pretty, plus it's a status thing.
Back then they used to use colors, gold or silver to show off their social status.

Well it's the same for me I guess.

Plus, I love fashion so it all works out for me.

Sniff me,

Bolek

Finshed

High school's done. ):
I hope I pass so that I'm able to get my diploma.
I'm gonna have to do a lot of soul searching.
Figure out what I want to do.

In the meantime, I have to go job hunting.
Might as well, and in the next week get my learners.

I know I keep on saying that I'm gonna be getting my learners and then I never do.
But this is for real. I need to get it before it's to late.


Also my passports too. ):

Hopefully things will go well tomorrow, otherwise I'll be pissed and screwed.

Next week I have to send in my glasses to get fixed.
Well more like, the lenses replaced.

Thursday and Friday I have my last exams. ):
Which blows, then summer.

At the end of Julyish,
I get to go with Sonya, Lenora and Connor (my white family) to BC! =D
Soo excited.

Before that I'm hopefully gonna be working and saving up to start my life in a sense.

I don't think I'll be able to become a model though. Too much money to get into modelling.
Plus I have way to many scars on my body to be able to really make my sort of dream come true. But meh, it's all in my life, I guess and how dedicated I am in pursuing it.

I think during my time off school, I'm gonna take some writing courses or something.
So learn how to write better, and buy some books on some of most well known fashion icons.
And other biographies.

Jerk Face

There really isn't any other way to describe how I am. But I was doing some reflecting and creeping on facebook, and ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Why?
Why do you have to be such a whore? Like nasty, seriously.

On a completely different note, ladies night tomorrow!
I'm pretty excited! <3 'Cause I get to go get drunk with people.

God that made me sound like such a loser.
'Cause you know, I love to get drunk by myself.

I have part A of my Social exam. ;;
I'm not really that eager for it.
Hopefully I'll do well.

Twilight Princess

I beat Twilight Princess for the second time.
It was a lot of fun, finally beating it again.
It really pissed me off this one part, where I wasn't able get past, since the guide didn't really make sense. But then I figured it out, and defeated the game shortly! =D

Also, thanks to Elijah, my bunk bed, desk combo thing is gone.
I'm soo happy, now it won't be taking up any space in our tiny little rat's nest.

Also I'm ordering a t-shirt from Abercrombie! <3
Soo excited about that too. I'm also pretty excited for Wednesday, being the last day of school and some sort of girls night! Which seems to be pretty exciting! ~

The day will come

I was thinking, as I was looking at pictures of other people, the day I wear an Abercrombie shirt, or a Diesel one is when I get my nose pierced. :3
Bit that won't be for awhile, I need to get a job to be able to do any of that, be able to go to Edmonton, then over to Quebec. Since those are the only two places I get some of that stuff from, in Canada.
Maybe while up in Edmonton I'll get some Calvin Klein.

I really need to study for my learners.
I think I'm gonna go in and get it tomorrow, or sometime this following week.
The sooner I get it, the better it is.

I'm finally getting rid of my bed. I'm soo happy about it.
I get to make room in my room for my old bed. <3
And the desk I used to have.

Quote of the day, that I can associate with.
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” -Chuck Palahniuk

A Fresh Beginning, A Terrifying Start.

In a literal sense, right now there's gonna be a lot of fresh new beginnings - especially in the coming months.


I'm going to done high school.
I made an account with Blogspot.
My perceptions on things are changing. At least I hope it is.

I plan on changing for the better. Not for the worse.
Also, I might be accomplish some of my ambitions.
So let's see how it turns out. :3



It opened my eyes. It really did.
My perception about Polish people is dramatically changing, I now want to learn Polish. The language seems really pretty. Plus my Grandma would be so proud of me.
If all goes as planned then I'll learn more languages on top of that.
Such as: Japanese, French, Italian, Catalan, Qwetchwa, (Language of the Inca's and I know thats it's spelled incorrectly) Amarayaen, (Again, spelling is off.)
German, Dutch, Arabic, maybe some others?

Hopefully I'll succeed in some of those.
Maybe none of the native languages of South America.

I'm afraid of what's out there. After fucking up my life so bad. I don't even know what I want to be, and whether I should try, or not upgrade my marks to go into post secondary.
Whether it's more reasonable for me to move over to Europe and do schooling over there, hoping that the philosophy of schooling over there is completely different then it is over here.
Become a translator over there or something.
Or if I do choose to stay here for awhile, then to study something with art.
Become a Fashion Magazine editor, or even a model.

I hate how things haven't fully formed for me. I'm afraid that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what I want to do with myself, what will make me happy. Theres even the chance of me wanting to become a writer. But I dunno.

The thing that really discourages me is that, I haven't really done anything like most people, with their spare time. Where they practise their skill, or pass time enjoying their hobby. While I'm here, vegetating in front of my computer. Hopefully during my year off school, I'll find something that I quite enjoy doing. Which will turn into my profession, later in life. Or at least to help discover it.