Blargh.

I'm quite annoyed by my bout of insomnia. Or pseudo-insomnia as I like to think of it. Or I guess I don't really have insomnia, just a really screwed up sleeping schedule that starts off earlier than most. I go to sleep between 9pm and 11pm then I sleep till, 4am till 6am? I feel that if I were to go to Montreal right now that I wouldn't have a problem adjusting with the time difference. But oh well what can I do, right?

I really need to get my shit together and soon. I really should apply at the Banff Springs, and I really want too start reading more. I have 3 or 4 books that I started reading and just put down and never picked up. Also I have a box of books along with a shelf of books that I need to begin, and finish reading.
Before reading I really need to find the missing song files on my iTunes. Get rid of duplicates, and songs that I don't want anymore. Also I need to clean my closet. Which shouldn't take too long to do.

Today's my last day painting my cousins room. Which I'm excited for since I really hate painting, since the paint fumes aren't good for my lungs (asthma).
I need to buy my friend a Christmas present soon, if they have it still.
On top of that I want to buy a shirt from Quiksilver.

I really need to get new shoes. Since mine are getting old and gross. :(

In New York ~

I really enjoy this song. Makes me feel somewhat better.
Once I get a piano, I'll hopefully learn how to play this song on the piano.

----------------
Now playing: "Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z | Alicia Keys [OFFICIAL VIDEO]
via FoxyTunes

I might have to give in, and get a job at McDonalds.
Hopefully early shifts. :|
I don't want to work there. It's the last place I want to get a job. But I may just have too.

I have a new YouTube channel. Where I'm probably going to do replies to peoples video's. Maybe cover videos. Also, clothing or shopping hauls. :3

Waking up at 3am

Isn't a lot of fun. I'm bored haha. I woke up, had a pack of blackberries (see it's a sign, I'm meant to get a blackberry pearl! :P), then later I had a giant bowl of Lucky Charms. Then at 8ish, I got bored and hungry so I fried some pirogies then I wanted some raspberries the first pack I grabbed were all moldy and gross, so I grabbed the second one. Noticed that they were really squishy and gross. So I decided to blend them and make a milkshake! Which lead to me prying open a ginseng bottle so I could have a shot of ginseng. Threw in some frozen mangoes and blended it.

I'm honestly going to become a cow very soon if I don't find something to keep me busy.
The songs that I've been wanting to post on here for a bit are:
EDIT: I tried to put the videos up, but they came in assorted sizes and were stretching the page, so I decided to remove them. :/ It doesn't really matter since no one here reads my blogs. So meow.

Dreamland - Emilie Simone
It's a really pretty song, sung by a French singer.

Deep Sleep - Nabiha.
This one I love, since I really want to sleep most of the time, but I can't haha. That song is my life pretty much.

Le Choix - Cylia
I don't know why I'm attracted to French music with piano. It sounds soo pretty.

Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) - Florence and The Machine [Sugababes Cover]
Really pretty cover, the original is delicious too. Hahaha.
I hope I did that right. In other words, Sugababes did a cover of Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence and the Machine.

Don't you love in vain

I've been wanting to write a blog for the past three days. I started, then got distracted or unmotivated.

There's been things that I've been wanting to get on "paper" or online I guess.
For example if I do manage to save up the money I personally think will be required, then I shall be able once I move out there, do yoga in the morning, work, then either have dance class in the evenings or take evening French classes. That's what I've been wanting to write in so long. On top of all of that, after French class I could either go out and get drunk, or work out! Which I really need to start doing. Otherwise I'm gonna become fat. Or just really grossed shaped. Hopefully starting today I'll do some home exercises that I can easily do here.

What else to write...

I really can't wait till my sister 'grows' up a bit more maturity wise. Also, I really hope she'll be able to come and visit me once I move out there. It'll be quite easy to get around with her, since I'll be living in downtown or near downtownish so we'll be able to walk places. Find and buy clothes for her for cheap! <3 Plus I'll be able to make her little things and mail them out to her.

I'm going to have to write stuff down as a reminder, and motivation so that I can cross it off.

I really want to learn another language rather than French. French is fine and dandy, but stupidly complicated. Japanese maybe?

I think I'm going to make a new youtube account, change the name of this account. Kind of give myself a whole new makeoveresque type thing. And ya. There's more that I'm going to add in a bit I guess.

Ooo and I found a clothes rack for cheap! $19.99 at Ikea <3
Makes me happy.

I've gotta find my place

"Just want to be happy."

I really enjoy Leona Lewis' new album Echo.
I can really relate to what she's singing lol. Even though most music is pretty generic these days. Oh well. It makes me happy.

I'm going to try and find myself a new calender, mark the middle of March with "Start packing!" Then last day of March, or maybe the 20th, "GET THE FUCK OUT, ASAP!" Buy my plane ticket and never to return. Unless theirs some sort of family emergency or a few years from now. I just want to start living. Since I don't consider this to be living.

Monday I'm applying at Starbucks, Wild Flour, and some other place? Gap again maybe.
That way hopefully I'll have some money to start putting away. Then by Boxing Day weekend, or before New Years I'll buy myself some clothes. Since I am in dire need of new clothes. Tons of new clothes. I need to give my wardrobe a major face lift so to say. I need to add a few things to my wish list haha.

Also I need to set up some sort of goal with how much I'll need to save up for emergency wise, just in case I'm unable to get a job there right away.
Multiply it by 3 months.
$ 600 / month for rent.
$ 100 / utilities.
$ 75 / cell phone.
---- / total.
$2925 + Safety Deposit. ):

Then I need to save up for,
$ 535 / New phone.
$1500 / New furniture.
$ 150 / GIANT BOTTLE OF GIN. Bombay Sapphire.
$2000 / New clothes if possible for me.
$ 500 / Ticket to Montreal.
----- / Total
$4685

All together the grand total would be - $7610
So in other words I want to save up $10,000.

It seems so unrealistic at the moment since I don't have a job.
I'll probably have to get 2 jobs, and save. I won't be able to splurge.
Even though it seems really unrealistic at the moment
Then after I get a job I'll have to head over to RBC and do some banking nigs!
I know for sure that my parents are gonna pay for my food. <3 Also hopefully for my Metro card. Also hopefully my parents will help me accomplish some of the things I want off my wish list. :]

On top of all of that I need to get my passport, Canadian, so that I can travel down to New York for a few days when I live in Montreal. Find those bargain basement sales and buy myself designer clothes. Since New York is the Fashion capital of the States. <3 What I can't wait for is to be able to take a train down there. Since I haven't ridden in a train since my last excursion. That was when I was in grade 5, so in 2002~

Flakiness

Personal Space:
I hate how wishy washy or flaky I am when it comes with my future plans. I guess that's how it is for many people. If I'm able to get a job and save up dramatically in two/three months I'm just gonna peace it out of Banff. Just for the sake of my health, otherwise my anxiety will take over and a certain extent will die inside of me. Since after all I may not be able to go to Peru due to my braces. It sucks but oh well, it was never in my original plan.

As Branden mentioned, there's no use in bitching and complaining about being in Banff. Ya it helps alleviate some stress and angst. But it doesn't help whatsoever with the whole leaving Banff situation.



Hopefully things will start picking up here in town. I should probably change the objectives on my resume and start applying at places so I at least have a better chance of getting a job. Rather than sitting here complaining and waiting. Maybe this time I'll be able to get two jobs, and to pass time I would be taking piano lessons. Since I really want to learn how to play piano so that I can do Regina Spektor covers, along with other fun diddys.

Also on that hopeful note, I think it would be easier for me to move within the country rather than to a different country in a different continent.

PS. I hate how the one thing that I enjoyed most, sleeping, has been ruined by yours truly. Now I have pseudo-insomnia since I don't want to believe that I actually have it. I doubt I do. I hope I don't. I'll find out later I guess.

PPS. Another thing that's bothering me is that I make myself to do lists which I never finish in the time that I plan on finishing them. Now I have a new to do list, finishing the books that I've started reading but then stopped for whatever reason. Start reading the books my dad lent me about World Mythology, read about the Incas since I borrowed/stole some books from my mom. Read up on the philosophies of India, what their all about. On top of all of that read the misc. fictional books that I have. Also watch the DVD's about Yogism.

Art Corner ~
Hahaha, I feel so tacky doing that. Oh well.
My plans on making my sister her headband was a bust. Since I went over to the Dollar Store and all they had was shit ribbon. Kind of that thin ribbon that you would find with fake Christmas presents. So I'll have to wait to go into Canmore to try and find some or Calgary where I would have a better chance.

With my friends getting tattoos this past month I really want to get some. I have for awhile, but now I have envisioned my new tattoo. I've been planning on getting the Virgo symbol on the back of my neck but instead of just getting that, get the female sign and inside the circle get the symbol. I'll do a rough sketch of it once I get home later. On top of that I want a tattoo of the Eye of Horus, Udjat(sp?).

Also I want to start painting/sketching things that I want to paint or draw. I really hope I can motivate myself that way I can keep myself busy for a few weeks.

Louis Vuitton - Grunge (Positive Change!)

I really want that scarf/shawl. It's so pretty. But really costly. $745 (US. I'm assuming.) I love Louis Vuitton blog. Official Louis Vuitton website.

I finally went back to the library since there was this article, in Teen Vogue - August 2009, about how it's affecting young fashionista's with the recession. How their finding designer clothes for cheap. I don't really remember the article, but a girl mentioned this website (haven't checked it out yet) Wear Today, Gone Tomorrow. Where you can swap clothes with other girls. Also, maybe guys. Not sure. Since I mentioned, haven't checked it out.

PS. I decided/got inspired, kind of thanks to Branden, to change how I blog. Instead of whining, bitching and complaining about how life sucks in Banff I'm start writing about little fashion tidbits that I enjoy type of thing. If that makes any sense. I know people won't/don't read my blogs. But whatever haha. So mostly it's gonna be positive blurbs about my life. If I'm able to find the right things tomorrow I'll even start making simple little things. Hopefully it'll work out. Which will lead to me making a DeviantArt account again to show off the process. Or to show off the finished product. We'll see.

Synopsis: New blog format. Positive blurbs about my life, fashion tidbits, and something dictionary definitions!

Languages

Instead of moving to Montreal right away, I'm gonna save up go to Spain then France for a little bit. Like maybe a month and half in each country. Improving my knowledge of the language dramatically. Also being able to understand, and communicate in it way better then I can now. Which isn't that good haha.

Another thing that I want to do is go down to Peru, take a language course in Quechua. See my family. Explore Peru. Run off to Ecuador, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Bolivia, and Brazil.

Then instead of moving back to Banff, I'll move to Montreal right away. So I'm gonna have to save up at least $12,000. I know which is a lot to save up, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do it. If I really set my mind to it, and don't spend it on anything. Except knowing that I'll live elsewhere for a bit. Which excites me. I hope I'll be able to do all of this. By a certain time period. Or change my plans to realistically fit my other life plans. I need to get my academic priorities straightened out and stuff.

3 Fears

3 Fears of mine:

- Falling in love, and getting my heartbroken. Even though I've had my heartbroken a few times when I was a child. As well as living vicariously through TV shows and movies. Even though it was a small numbing pain, I don't want it to happen in real life. Since who knows what will happen, and what will I do.

- I'm afraid of moving to Montreal right away.
1) I may not be able to get a job, so then I'll have to move back here.
2) I'm afraid that I'm gonna remain stuck in Canada. So I want to go out and travel, experience the world like all my relatives have.

- While crossing the street listening to my music, or just as is without the music, that I'm gonna get hit by a car. I dunno, but for me that seems probable.

Paris bound

After watching the movie Amelie I've been inspired to move out to Paris. Since Paris seems to be a fun, and beautiful place to live. Plus it would be nice to live in a Parisian apartment, where there's a window in the bathroom. So that I'm able to take a nice hot bubble bath either in the late afternoon, or on a clear, starless, night. Listening to some classical, oldies, or relaxing French music. While enjoying a bottle or two of chilled wine, as well as enjoying a cigarette or two. I don't know why, but that whole life style appeals to me. Hopefully I'll be able to experience a portion of that once I move to Montreal. Which would be superb.

Ignorant Definition

ig⋅no⋅rant
  /ˈɪgnərənt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ig-ner-uhnt] Show IPA

–adjective
1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.
2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics.
3. uninformed; unaware.
4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.

The thing that really irked me was that I got this text from a guy, who was trying to explain to me why he wasn't replying to my texts. The text didn't bother me, well it did, it's just the way he used the word ignorant. Thinking that it was in the right context. Mind you this was in August or something, so I don't have the text anymore. But he was trying to make himself all smart and justified for not texting, by saying, "Sorry that I've been so ignorant, theres just been so much going on in my life..." Pretty much paraphrasing what I remember from that text. I'm quite sure that he was trying to use the verb, 'ignore', and tried to spice it up and make himself seem "smart". But it totally backfired on him.

When I first saw the text, for one thing, I was extremely tired, and hung over, but when I read it, I was pretty sure the word ignorant was used wrong. When I got home, I checked the definition and reread the text, I knew for sure that it was wrong.

The irony in this is that, you are being quite ignorant. Trying to use the word ignorant, but the context it was in, was totally wrong.

Positive Change - Mini Bio

I know my last few blogs seem extremely pessimistic but I was in a really dark place. But now I'm in I guess in a more enlightened place. I know what direction I want my life to go in now. I'm gonna head out east attend, Vanier Cegep, in Montreal. <3 ren, rather than modern), which means I'll be studying five languages. English and French, since it's mandatory, and I'm gonna be taking Spanish, Italian and German. Which I'm pretty stoked for. Also, it means that I save a year in university. <3 Which for me is the metaphorical, cherry on top of the cake, or whatever. (I never was really good at English expressions.) It makes me happy that finally I'm gonna go somewhere where I'll be accepted, rather than this stupid little white washed town. Having such an eccentric name, which no one knew how to pronounce properly. Also, I'll be accepted in the sense that I'll be able to get into the school easily. Which makes me extremely happy haha. And hopefully during my two years of studying out there, I'll be able to get my Polish passport, allowing me to have proof that I am in fact a Polish citizen, and maybe sneak off to Poland for a little bit, and other places in Europe. And just stay there, since I'll be able too. That's about it.

In summary as to the things that I've been doing since my last blog post, in July?
- Went for 2 weeks with the Nuspels to BC. Which was fun.
- Pretty much between BC and me leaving for Montreal, I watched Charmed, and went to Calgary, saw Nina, Chadd and Justin.
- Went to Montreal from August 28th till September 21st.
- Been sick with a cold, went to a party in Canmore, saw Sky, caught up with her.
- Had a girls night at my uncles.

My plans for this week are:
- Go to the job resource centre, get help with my resume.
- Go apply at places for a job.
- Reorganize, and rearrange my room.
- Find milk crates, and steal them early in the morning.
- Go clubbing with the girls Wednesday.
- Get into French class. Fingers crossed that they have enough room.
- Study for my learners. e___e

Thats about it. I think I'm gonna start doing that, each Sunday, think of the things that I have to do for that week, and list them, so that I know what I have to do and such. :]
I'm extremely content with life right now.

Fucking Things Up Where Ever I Go

Like honestly, I did so bad in school. Took the non-academic courses. I'm still unsure of what I want to do, but like I keep on planning, I really want to do something in Fashion. But I don't really have a passion for it really. Unlike most people. Which kind of discourages me. I just really want to work at a Vogue or a really well known magazine, and have my own little article thing that I would get to publish each month. That way I would be immersed in the fashion world and get to be analytical or critical of stuff.
I also really want to go into modelling - but then if I do get into it, how long will I last? Will I make it far? Would I become a super model?

I wish there was someway of finding out these things, with out driving myself crazy over this. Since I want to know what to do with my life, should I move off to Europe and become a translator. Or maybe even go to school and become a journalist or something. Since I know I just can't spend all my time reading, and writing blogs. It would be sweet and all, but then I wouldn't make it very far in life.

I should have tried harder in school at least, having been exposed to the harsh realities of life at such an early age. Having been to Peru seeing all those people, families on the street, begging for money and food so that they could barely survive the week. Even when I got to actually be with my Grandma in Poland, getting angry at me for not studying, asking me if I wanted to be like a hobo. I feel like I've disappointed her, and a few others. I know for sure that I've disappointed my father, he made sure that I knew, and remembered since I was very young. Probably since grade 5.

Fuck it even seems, whenever I try to make plans for myself, they always fuck up. It never seems to work out for me the way I intended it to. Just for once I want things to go my way. I was gonna fix things that I have ruined here, living in the mountains, even pursue things that would benefit me greatly. Taking Spanish in school, learning how to correctly spell things. Instead of hoping that I spelled the word right, and using a spell checker. Not really learning how to write the word properly. It feels as if I can't speak proper English, and I know for sure that I can't speak, read or write proper Spanish. Since I taught myself how to read and write it. My mom being to lazy, and to occupied with my little sister. It's dawned on me that my mom really loves my sister more. She does anything for her in a heart beat, it's as if she's given up on me or something. She's always been there for her, never really there for me. She's never seen me play basketball, soccer or see me practice gymnastics way back in the day. Now that when I try to talk seriously about things, she act's like a complete retard, which totally pisses me off. I just want to yell at her, asking if she's mentally retarded or what the fuck her problem is? In all honesty my sister's gonna become a little naive fuck up. I can see it coming, as to the way my mom coddles her. Always worrying about her about the stupidest things ever.

I just need to get really far away from my family. Theres just to much negative energy for me to handle, I want to be somewhere where theres some sort of positive energy. That way I won't be such an asshole. That way once I'm away I won't be blaming my parents for fucking up my life to a certain extent.

On a completely seperate note - I'm tempted to act out on an impulse of lust. But then I'm afraid of the consequences that will follow after. 'Cause then I'll actually end up falling for you, and I know that it won't work out. Which then would leave me hurt and with a sense of longing. Nothing will ever work out for me, considering I live in this shithole, I really need out. Or I will just become celebit.

Into the Future

I'm really hoping for a good, fun future. Where I'll be able to fulfil my dreams. What ever they are. I know that I want to travel a lot, but that's more of a hobby type thing. I still don't know what kind of profession I want to go and attempt learning about. Hopefully I'll figure it out in the next year. If only I were rich and smart, then I wouldn't have to work. But then that's just my laziness speaking. Oh well.

I'm hoping also that in the next two months, or three that my teeth dramatically improve. That way my braces will come off, and I'll be a happy camper. In that sense, I hope that I won't have to go to the Orthodontist each month to get my wires changed. That way I'll be able to move far far away from Banff. <3

I don't know why but when I move out, or if I'm lucky enough to stumble upon while I'm still living here in Banff, I really want to get myself a record player. And begin buying myself some old records. Considering that most artists and bands sell records too now. When I get my own place, or have my own room, I want it to have some sort of retro feel to it. Maybe if I'm extremely lucky I'll be able to get a place of my own, or when the times, have a boyfriend and move out with him. But when that time comes, it won't be for a long long time.

Speaking about boyfriends, I don't know why, but I'm really craving those intimate moments where you lay in bed, all day. Just being lazy for the entire day. Carefree. Relaxed. Bliss. Watching movies all day and night. Talking, about random stuff.

I feel kind of childish for writing this stuff. Immature, somewhat desperate. For laying out all my feelings down, on the Internet, for anybody, or anything to read. Giving a sort of glimpse, into my boring life.

Personally, I would just be so much happier if I just moved out of Alberta, to somewhere far away, and beyond. . .

Plans for the future.

BC with Sonya! <3 In a couple of weeks!
Calgary after my 18th.
Quebec after that one or two nights in Calgary.
'Cause Roxi that's how it's gonna work for me.

Christmas with Roxann in Peru.
Greece with Sky in the future. As well as Mexico.

Radical Haircut(s)

These are the haircuts that I'm considering of getting.
Since I'm bored with my haircut styling.
Plus I want spice up my psychical exterior.
Heres the order that I want it in.

Mohawk, but with things shaved on the side.
Also I'm aware of the fact that it's a woman, girl, lady. Female.
And I would get something pretty shaved on the sides. Maybe the Chanel symbols.


I want to get something in between too.
Also it's something that I want, and saw a guy in Victoria with.
Sky saw him, but I don't think she remembers him.


Mushroom cut. But shorter.

Mooo.

Fuck I feel like such a cow right now. Ate an entire thing of popcorn, doused in margarine and chili from Peru. Washed it all down with some iced tea. My body is gonna kill me tomorrow. Or in the next little while.

I'm quite excited, Thursday I'm going for my learners again.
Then after that I'm hopefully gonna be heading over to Montreal. <3 <3 <3
Gonna be with my baby, even if she doesn't want me to be there.
But I get to be out of Banff! Which I'm terribly excited about.

Finally I won't be Anne Frank anymore, remaining in my annexe. I'll be free! Get a job somewhere. Work my ass off. Head over to Montreal again in September for Regina Spektor, I want to get back to Calgary in time for Margaret Atwood. <3


Now that my shitty day is over, I'm in a better mood. I'm somewhat happy with life. <3 I need to do some soul searching. Some travelling, and experiencing of things. Maybe head over to one of the coasts to live.

Bored. Rant.

I honestly feel like killing myself if living in Banff is it's gonna be the same old shit show. With nothing to do ever. Just chill in my room, watch movies and go out for a bit every few days. I'm so angry. Like fuck. There's no where in Banff that's hiring. I really want to go back to Edmonton, but that wouldn't work out for me. Also I just want to run away for the summer to BC or elsewhere to escape this little prison.

I'm going crazy again over here. All I've been doing is sleeping, reading, sleeping, eating and reading. Then I'm on the computer for 15-30Min's at a time, then I'm back to reading or sleeping. I need out, I want out. I'm ready to cry, shout and scream. Nobody understands me, whatsoever.

I'm honestly like a book, that someone has read. And now I'm being placed on the shelf to collect dust. Nobody will ever come out here and visit me.
I'll make plans with somebody, and those plans will never follow through.
I hate this shit hole, and all the people with it. What makes me angrier is that my mom is always gloating about how happy she is to never have left Banff. Which makes me cringe.

I'd rather be dead right now. It would save me the time, trouble and effort to do anything.

La Vida Triste i Pani Sandy

The realities of life, and living in Banff is getting to me again.
I found out that Sarah moved, which I'm quite sad about. I was unable to say bye to her. Even though I think she said something while I was busy writing a test.

I feel like crying. Even though I wasn't really that close with her - just the fact that she's moving away. I really just want to move away, and forget about the realities of living up in the mountains. Otherwise I'll end up like some old sentimental fool.

But then Sandy <3 cheered me up a bit, without knowing it. Asking me if I watched "The Real Life." I told her no, 'cause I don't have cable, satellite, nothing like that.

Sandra

Oh, well theres this really cute guy on this season and my friends were all "hes so hot, but hes gay :(:(" AND HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU so i showed them a picture of you and they were like "OMG IS HE GAY TOO :(:(" and it was quite depressing for them LOL
10:46pmBolek

LOLOL

Lets see a picture of him?
10:46pmSandra

I'm looking LOL
10:48pmBolek

K.
10:52pmSandra

he looks most like you in this one lol
(It's at the top btw.)


Also, I think I'm gonna begin translating my Polish comic books that I got while I was over in Poland. As well as the Little Prince. That way I know how to read some of the words and understand it more. And become more familiar with the language. Since one day I plan on heading over there for a while.

Cigarettes and Coffee

The title says it all pretty much. For some reason, I don't know why, but that's a type of breakfast that appeals to me. Just sitting there, with some cheap coffee, in a Styrofoam cup, and having the first smoke of the day. Complaining about life or something. And to travel about in some really old car.



Yes I am aware of how stupid I may sound at the moment, when you read this. But this is my blog. By writing how I feel about things, gives some sort of insight as to how I think and feel. Otherwise this would be a waste of time for some people. Iunno. I might be coming back to this post, and adding more. Since there was more that I wanted to write. But then I kept on putting it off. And I'm really tired, and thinking about my social exam, and getting my drivers.

I don't condone smoking for other people, but as for myself, I could really care less. The drugs have taken a bit of my sense of reality, while the kids from the streets of Edmonton, took away my security. Now that I'm pretty much done high school, I don't know anymore. It feels like my life doesn't have a direction to go in. I at least want to travel around, and during that year off, or two, I want to be saving up to be able to leave.
As soon as I get my drivers, which would be sometime next year, is when I'm going to leave. Hopefully. To where? I don't know yet.

As long as I get some sort of mind numbing job, then I'll be happy. To a certain degree I'll have some sort of purpose as to what I am gonna be doing with my life. Before I move away from home, I plan on buying a pairs of glasses frames, with my actual prescription, not just faux glasses. 'Cause then that would be stupid. In my case. Otherwise it would be a waste of money. And to buy myself a shitload of clothes. That way I won't have to buy any later on.

A little bit of sense.

I figured out, as to why I smoke occasionally, so that pretty much labels me as a, social smoker.
But I do it, 'cause I get nervous, and the nicotine and sparkles, help me relax.

Love and Other Disasters

I'm going to head down to the library in the morning, and take out a few more books.
The Secret Life of the Bees, Breakfast at Tiffany's, gonna place some holds for, Dear Fatty, and Life of Pi, as well as the Sisters Keeper.

Also, I want to buy the following movies:
The Color Purple, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Whisper of the Heart, Love and Other Disasters, Amelie and Persoplieses. I know thats not the correct spelling for it, but what eva.

Also a few others, like the Chanel biography, the movie based on Aurore Gagnon, and just for the hell of it, another movie.

"Can I crawl into bed with you, its OK. We are friends, that's all. Really." Holly - Breakfast at Tiffany's.

PS. I really need to get out of Canada.
I am gonna go crazy living here, listening to my dad rant about Canadians.
And how much I disappoint him for being and acting like one.
Even though I can't help where I was raised.

I really want to head over to Italy, Spain, or Argentina.
'Cause of the people's accents.
And the fact that their so hot.

Books, aren't really my friend.

I just finished reading, A Cat Amongst Pigeons. I really enjoyed that book, it was really
interesting, and I'm glad I remembered most of it, since I read 3/4 of it in February, then finished it today.
I almost cried when a character that I envisioned that looked like the housekeeper nanny from 101 Dalmatians died. And I giggled when I found out who the murderer was. Since she screamed out, "Bitch" which truly proves how mature I am. Haha.

Now I'm reading Anne Frank - The Diary of a Young Girl. Which will totally make me depressed, since it's such a sad, depressing book, well from what I've heard about it. So I dunno. Hopefully it won't be as depressing as people make it out to be.

Then I have thousands of other books to power through. ):
Since there are 20 other books that are on my list to read and buy during the summer.
'Cause you know, I'm cool like that, and that's how I roll.

Hopefully I'll gain more of a cultural perspective on life. And become more of a better person, a lot better then the person I am today. Rid myself of the verbal diarrhoea - since it's not a nice quality to have. Even though the person I'm not spewing shit about, benefits from it with giggles and stuff.

On another side note.
I've been going through my music and deleting a ton, trying to free up some room on my computer. Even though I still have tons and tons of space. But it's nice to know that theres still room. Then I'm going to have to go through my pictures and such.

Then eventually I must start going through my things, get rid of the things that I don't want.
Clothes, junk, books, papers, toys, games. Anything that I can get my hands on, thats mine and I don't like.

On another note.

Cutest, cutest guy ever.

A Letter

Dear Bobo,

I'm writing to you in regards about, why are you so obsessive with designer labels?
I don't understand why.
If you could inform as to why, you would rox my sox. ;)

Sniff me,

Roxann.


Dear Roxann,

I find designer labels to be pretty, plus it's a status thing.
Back then they used to use colors, gold or silver to show off their social status.

Well it's the same for me I guess.

Plus, I love fashion so it all works out for me.

Sniff me,

Bolek

Finshed

High school's done. ):
I hope I pass so that I'm able to get my diploma.
I'm gonna have to do a lot of soul searching.
Figure out what I want to do.

In the meantime, I have to go job hunting.
Might as well, and in the next week get my learners.

I know I keep on saying that I'm gonna be getting my learners and then I never do.
But this is for real. I need to get it before it's to late.


Also my passports too. ):

Hopefully things will go well tomorrow, otherwise I'll be pissed and screwed.

Next week I have to send in my glasses to get fixed.
Well more like, the lenses replaced.

Thursday and Friday I have my last exams. ):
Which blows, then summer.

At the end of Julyish,
I get to go with Sonya, Lenora and Connor (my white family) to BC! =D
Soo excited.

Before that I'm hopefully gonna be working and saving up to start my life in a sense.

I don't think I'll be able to become a model though. Too much money to get into modelling.
Plus I have way to many scars on my body to be able to really make my sort of dream come true. But meh, it's all in my life, I guess and how dedicated I am in pursuing it.

I think during my time off school, I'm gonna take some writing courses or something.
So learn how to write better, and buy some books on some of most well known fashion icons.
And other biographies.

Jerk Face

There really isn't any other way to describe how I am. But I was doing some reflecting and creeping on facebook, and ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Why?
Why do you have to be such a whore? Like nasty, seriously.

On a completely different note, ladies night tomorrow!
I'm pretty excited! <3 'Cause I get to go get drunk with people.

God that made me sound like such a loser.
'Cause you know, I love to get drunk by myself.

I have part A of my Social exam. ;;
I'm not really that eager for it.
Hopefully I'll do well.

Twilight Princess

I beat Twilight Princess for the second time.
It was a lot of fun, finally beating it again.
It really pissed me off this one part, where I wasn't able get past, since the guide didn't really make sense. But then I figured it out, and defeated the game shortly! =D

Also, thanks to Elijah, my bunk bed, desk combo thing is gone.
I'm soo happy, now it won't be taking up any space in our tiny little rat's nest.

Also I'm ordering a t-shirt from Abercrombie! <3
Soo excited about that too. I'm also pretty excited for Wednesday, being the last day of school and some sort of girls night! Which seems to be pretty exciting! ~

The day will come

I was thinking, as I was looking at pictures of other people, the day I wear an Abercrombie shirt, or a Diesel one is when I get my nose pierced. :3
Bit that won't be for awhile, I need to get a job to be able to do any of that, be able to go to Edmonton, then over to Quebec. Since those are the only two places I get some of that stuff from, in Canada.
Maybe while up in Edmonton I'll get some Calvin Klein.

I really need to study for my learners.
I think I'm gonna go in and get it tomorrow, or sometime this following week.
The sooner I get it, the better it is.

I'm finally getting rid of my bed. I'm soo happy about it.
I get to make room in my room for my old bed. <3
And the desk I used to have.

Quote of the day, that I can associate with.
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” -Chuck Palahniuk

A Fresh Beginning, A Terrifying Start.

In a literal sense, right now there's gonna be a lot of fresh new beginnings - especially in the coming months.


I'm going to done high school.
I made an account with Blogspot.
My perceptions on things are changing. At least I hope it is.

I plan on changing for the better. Not for the worse.
Also, I might be accomplish some of my ambitions.
So let's see how it turns out. :3



It opened my eyes. It really did.
My perception about Polish people is dramatically changing, I now want to learn Polish. The language seems really pretty. Plus my Grandma would be so proud of me.
If all goes as planned then I'll learn more languages on top of that.
Such as: Japanese, French, Italian, Catalan, Qwetchwa, (Language of the Inca's and I know thats it's spelled incorrectly) Amarayaen, (Again, spelling is off.)
German, Dutch, Arabic, maybe some others?

Hopefully I'll succeed in some of those.
Maybe none of the native languages of South America.

I'm afraid of what's out there. After fucking up my life so bad. I don't even know what I want to be, and whether I should try, or not upgrade my marks to go into post secondary.
Whether it's more reasonable for me to move over to Europe and do schooling over there, hoping that the philosophy of schooling over there is completely different then it is over here.
Become a translator over there or something.
Or if I do choose to stay here for awhile, then to study something with art.
Become a Fashion Magazine editor, or even a model.

I hate how things haven't fully formed for me. I'm afraid that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what I want to do with myself, what will make me happy. Theres even the chance of me wanting to become a writer. But I dunno.

The thing that really discourages me is that, I haven't really done anything like most people, with their spare time. Where they practise their skill, or pass time enjoying their hobby. While I'm here, vegetating in front of my computer. Hopefully during my year off school, I'll find something that I quite enjoy doing. Which will turn into my profession, later in life. Or at least to help discover it.